#6. Gandhi Slept in a Pile of Naked Women (Including His Niece)
Via WikipediaGandhi is arguably the most famous spiritual leader in modern history and was responsible for the civil rights movement that eventually broke British imperial rule over India. He was known for peaceful acts of non-cooperation, including hunger strikes, boycotts, and a 241-mile march to the sea to gather salt, an act prohibited by a bizarrely specific edict of British law.
Gandhi was revered as a holy man until he was assassinated by a religious fanatic, which sadly is what tends to happen to people like him. History repaid Gandhi for decades of self-sacrifice in the name of his fellow man by making a movie about his life starring the bad guy from Species.
Vince Bucci/Getty Images EntertainmentHere he is, posing in front of a statue of himself.
It's true that Gandhi took a vow of celibacy when he was 37. However, this did not stop him from heroically encouraging young women to sleep naked with him until he was well into his 70s.
He claimed that this was merely an extension of his vow, intended to test his pious restraint (a phrase a cynical person could take to mean "to inflate his boner tube"). According to the strict rules of Gandhi's ashram, these women weren't even allowed to sleep with their own husbands, yet they were all but required to participate in the Mahatma's creepy old man slumber parties, which included not only sleeping nude with Gandhi, but also bathing with him and giving him stripteases, because the path to a temptation-free existence is apparently paved with nipple tassels.
That's not even the shadiest part. Gandhi took his 18-year-old grandniece on a trip with him to Bengal and commanded her to share the nudity bunk with him for their entire stay, a move he rationalized by telling her that they might be killed at any moment by angry Muslims. That's right -- Gandhi told his barely legal niece to take off all of her clothes and climb into bed with her equally naked great uncle because the two of them might suddenly be murdered.
Jupiterimages/Comstock/Getty Images"Understand? Great, now go strip down and meet me in the hot tub."
#5. Benjamin Franklin Liked to Bang Lots of Old Women
Via WikipediaIn addition to being one of the Founding Fathers of the United States of America, Benjamin Franklin was a prolific inventor and a tireless innovator, responsible for bifocal spectacles and odometers, the flexible urinary catheter, and a dominating presence in rap lyrics. He was an early adopter of environmental awareness, formed libraries and founded hospitals, organized the first fire service, and pushed for anti-slavery legislation before his death in 1790 of an acute overdose of righteous awesomeness.
But Behind Closed Doors ...
Benjamin Franklin was an avid poonhound specializing in dusty cooz. That is to say, he prided himself on keeping the oldest and most busted mistresses he could find, for a list of reasons that prove he was just as much an innovator of morning-show-DJ chauvinism as anything else.
Jupiterimages/Photos.com/Getty Images"Welcome back to Crazy Ben's Morning Zoo! Who's ready for LESBIAAAAAAANS?!"
Granted, he had his more polite, old-timey way of putting it:
"... I repeat my former Advice, that in all your Amours you should prefer old Women to young ones ... Because there is no hazard of Children, which irregularly produc'd may be attended with much Inconvenience ... Because thro' more Experience, they are more prudent and discreet in conducting an Intrigue to prevent Suspicion ... and lastly they are so grateful."
And so on. Yeah, you don't exactly have to read between the lines there.
Photos.com/Photos.com/Getty Images"You would see, the biggest dick would be from me, and the card attached would say, 'Thank you for meating, my friend.'"
"Because in every Animal that walks upright, the Deficiency of the Fluids that fill the Muscles appears first in the highest Part: The Face first grows lank and wrinkled; then the Neck; then the Breast and Arms; the lower Parts continuing to the last as plump as ever: So that covering all above with a Basket, and regarding only what is below the Girdle, it is impossible of two Women to know an old from a young one."
Photos.com"Goddammit, Jim, no means no!"
#4. Winston Churchill Liked to Be Naked
Via WikipediaSir Winston Churchill was Britain's prime minister and first lord of the admiralty during World War II. He was a celebrated wit and a Nobel Prize winner, and is arguably one of the most famous national leaders in history. He also enjoyed a steady diet of alcohol and cigars, and walked around dressed like a Dickensian moneylender.
Via Wikipedia"You will have me paid back by Tuesday, or I shall confiscate your child, crutches and all."
Churchill liked to parade around naked, ambushing unsuspecting staffers and foreign dignitaries alike with his gin-blossomed twig and berries.
Apparently, anyone who had an appointment with Churchill ran the risk of walking in on him striding around his office in his pasty undulating birthday suit, conducting the business of the nation with his grundlebrush ruffling gently in the breeze.
Via WikipediaA rare photo of him (left) engaging in a friendly contest of "Shout Obscenities at Eisenhower's Crotch."
When Sir Winston visited the White House later that same year, he made a habit of wearing absolutely nothing while in his room, seemingly oblivious to the near-constant stream of attendants that came in to serve him brandy while desperately trying to avoid eye contact.
#3. Lord Byron Collected Pubic Hair
Via WikipediaLord Byron was a leading figure of the Romanticism movement in Europe. He is best known for the epic Don Juan, which has become a universal term for an incorrigible lover of women, in addition to being constantly confused with a Johnny Depp movie. When Byron died at the age of 36, the entirety of Britain went into mourning. Also, he kept bears as pets, and that is just tits.
Photos.com/Photos.com/Getty ImagesPlus, he always walked in slow motion in the wind, so he looked ultra sexy.
We've already discussed Byron's tendency to have sex with absolutely everyone in the entire world, including his half-sister. Today, any self-respecting womanizer would be likely to keep pictures or stalk the Facebook accounts of his various conquests, but back then it was more common to keep a lock of hair, which was a practice Byron totally participated in. However, rather than trim a honeyed curl from the head of one of his beautiful ladies and tie it with a wistful ribbon, Byron preferred to chop a tangled clump of matted wirebrush from her bristling angry pubic mane and stuff it into an envelope like an electric bill. He did this because he was both eccentric (see "pet bears," above) and a goddamned lunatic (see "half-sister sex," above).
Byron collected genital beard trimmings from every lover he could and kept them on file at his publishing house, where they remained for more than a hundred years after he died, because they evidently don't clean out their filing cabinets often enough.
#2. A Bunch of Famous Authors Had Foot Fetishes
Jupiterimages/Creatas/Getty ImagesIf you're into movies at all, you're probably already aware of Quentin Tarantino's notorious foot fetish ...
But Behind Closed Doors ...
As it turns out, the list of famous people with foot fetishes reads like an all-star bowling team of great writers, including F. Scott Fitzgerald, Thomas Hardy, Victor Hugo, Goethe, Pushkin, and Dostoevsky.
For instance, when he wasn't busy writing Faust, Goethe managed to find a woman named Christiane von Vulpis who shared his interest and would send him pairs of her "danced-out shoes," which is like mailing a guy your dirty underwear, only much more unsettling on a deeper level. Von Vulpis also nicknamed Goethe's penis "Herr Schonfuss," or "Mr. Nicefoot," which we assume indicates that he put toenail polish on his dick and/or kept it bunched up in a wingtip loafer.
Via WikipediaWhich explains why he always had a look that said, "They know. I can feel them staring at me. Always staring."
"I saw your foot, which I would have given an empire to kiss, that foot by which to have been trampled upon would have been to me happiness, I saw it encased in the horrible boot that transforms the limbs of a living being into a bloody mess."
And in Eugene Onegin, Pushkin veers off-topic to deliver a rambling five-stanza ode to the zipper-chaffing boner rays emitted by women's feet:
Diana's breast or Flora's cheek,
Are enchanting, friends, I find!
Yet Terpsichore's foot I'd seek
Far more enchanting, to my mind.
Since, foretelling to my gaze
Pleasure in a thousand ways,
Its subtle beauty lights the fires
Of a swarm of sweet desires.
Such I adore, my dear Elvina,
Beneath the table's damask gloss,
In the springtime on the moss,
In winter, resting on the fender,
Or on the ballroom's gleaming floor,
Or the granite of the shore.
Pushkin literally says he would rather stare at a girl's foot than her breasts or her face, which in addition to many other things is the precise definition of a foot fetish.
Jupiterimages/Polka Dot/Getty ImagesThe second they all start doing the moonwalk, it's considered an orgy.
#1. Charlie Chaplin Held Orgies and Sexually Harassed Women With Pies
Via WikipediaCharlie Chaplin is one of the most instantly recognizable film stars of all time. His face has become so iconic that some people don't even realize he was a real person and not just a generic mascot for black-and-white movies sporting what would eventually become the most unfortunate mustache ever.
Chaplin was a huge star of the silent film era, making several films featuring the Little Tramp character (pictured above), as well as a handful of scathing political satires, including The Great Dictator, which ridiculed the Nazi regime, and Monsieur Verdoux, which at the time was loosely described as an anti-war film but is really just about a guy who marries rich women and murders them to inherit their fortunes. Chaplin's left-wing viewpoints led to him being investigated by the FBI and subsequently exiled from the United States, back when Americans thought deporting people for their political views was in keeping with the spirit of freedom and liberty (luckily, nothing like that happens anymore).
But Behind Closed Doors ...
Chaplin did his very best to have sex with every single woman he came into contact with who wasn't already related to him. He organized orgies with fellow comic star Fatty Arbuckle, which is something you would assume people would only agree to at gunpoint, because in addition to looking like a portly cherub-faced gremlin, Arbuckle is most famous for being accused of literally raping a woman to death (though was never convicted).
Also, Chaplin was allegedly the first person to implement the "casting couch" method of auditioning new young actresses. This being the silent film era, he would use caption cards to prompt the girls into various actions that would steadily become more and more suggestive until they were eventually just standing there with their clothes off. Chaplin would then do a little mime soft-shoe over to the couch and start groping them in a bizarrely exaggerated fashion, presumably in sepia tones with a jaunty piano accompaniment. He would then stand the still-naked girls against the wall and throw pies at them, bringing a delightfully hilarious end to what was probably the most terrifying experience of their entire lives.
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